Not Ready for this

(SIGH)

Today was hard. First day back to work.
I didn't really prepare myself very well, but how can you really? I was ready to be home... sweat free and bug free... but not ready to be free from the stress-free way of life. I kept saying that I wanted to take today off... that i didn't want to go back. I wasn't necessarily dreading it, I was trying to keep positive about things that had been done while gone.
When I parked in the parking lot, I nearly lost it, but pulled it together and took a deep breath and said a prayer. Guy was sitting in his office with a new hands-free headset phone and greeted me saying he liked my hair :), we then proceeded to chat about Belize. There's obviously only so much you can say in a five minute time frame, so I asked him about how things had gone here and what not. He told me of several projects that were put on hold until my return and then of up and coming jobs that were pretty hot. Of course he said he didn't want to overwhelm me, but it's just in my nature to start feeling the stress come on.

Before processing more here, I just have to say that the hard things about work have nothing to do with my boss or my co-workers. It's just about the nature of what I do, the fact is... there will always be deadlines and always jobs that need to be done yesturday. Just want to make that clear... (I'm planning to send Thank you cards with the link to this site to my co-workers)... So please, don't take this the wrong way, it would be the same no matter where I worked. It just takes time to adjust to the hustle and bustle of the American Way.

So, I went to my office and started sifting through emails and just get myself accumulated to all that had been going on. That too was a little overwhelming, but I just had to keep it in perspective that I wasn't expected to get everything done in one day. After that, I started on some changes for a project that I had almost completed before leaving. They were pretty simple, but a good thing to start out with. My next task was trying to manipulate and change a logo for a band that I had also started previous to my travels. That one was hard because what they were asking for was really vague. I got frustrated and stopped.
During all that time I intermitently would tell Georgia of the different things we did in Belize, about the Ariola family and the paintings. It was good to share them with her, but once I started talking about how much they appreciated my talents, it brought me to that place of longing. A place of somewhat confusion, knowing that I love my graphic design job, but having a hard time doing things for musicians who are self righteous and who care less about what you put into the work you're doing. That's really not a lot of our clients, and we do have a good handful that do really appreciate the work. But, when the complainers complain... they're so much louder and it's what you remember, more than the ones who compliment.

I was able to catch a bite to eat with my dad, what a relief. He picked me up and after a few short exchanges he asked how my day was going. --enter= FLOOD OF TEARS... "That good, huh?" he responded, with a sympathetic tone. I love my dad, he doesn't try and have the right words to say, but at the same time helps process through why the feelings are there. All I can manage to explain is that it's hard to have all these deadlines, right away. In that moment it was hard to decide whether I liked my job, but when it comes down to it, I do. It's just plain hard to re-adjust and figure things out and not have it be so stressful.

One thing I need to do is get better sleep, so with that said I should end this blog entry. There is so much more to process, but I need to be sure to keep all aspects of me working well. If I don't have good sleep, that will also add to the stress. So... hopefully more to come soon...
pray that American Airlines has my journal somewhere safe!!!!! :(