BUST

So, everyone knows... no Haiti... just never updated this... that's all for now. Maybe this will make a come back in a couple years... who knows...

later

what to do...

So, I was talking to my mom last night about this trip and she goes, "Did you hear about the kidnappings in Port-au-Prince?" (roll of eyes) "No, mom, I didn't, that's really no good"
"Are you sure it's safe down there" she says.
"Heck, if I know... I can't do anything about it, but I trust Steve and Dio" I tell her.
(disclaimer.. roll of eyes only because of my annoyance of the country, not my mom:))

It's so hard to know anymore... and the fact is, something COULD happen before we go and it makes me really nervous. I had a hard time dropping the letters in the mail because... "what if"... it's just such a hard place, but I just have to trust that if this is what/where God wants us, then he will prepare the way.

I will Trust in You
I will Trust in You
I will Trust in You

amen

Reality has yet to hit

Well, for the past month, I was in decision mode.. this whole thing came up on a whim in some respects... the story goes like this...
In early November, Steve Hanson sent out letters to all of the Haiti child sponsorship contributors to let us know he was planning to go down in February. It made me happy that he was going and thought, "hmm... it would sure be cool to go with him"... but the thought came and went. That was until a couple weeks later, when I happened to see him at church on a wednesday night, and I just had to ask for the fun of it (and to see his reaction). To my surprise, he didn't automatically decline my question. He actually launched into this story about how somebody else had asked him and then a couple others heard... so we're sorta calling this the "squeaky wheel" team.
Steve got us all together in early December and just talked over what his plans were and where we might be involved. It was mostly an informational meeting, and I found out that I would be able to paint in Tricotte... I wanted to make sure I'd be able to have a specific task to do while also connecting with the villagers, etc. :) But, I still wasn't completely sold on the idea... I was having a hard time deciding what I wanted to take time off for... Haiti or Belize... The sr. high will be going back in June and I won't have enough vaca. days to do both... much-less try and raise money so soon again. The latter part was explained away, but the vaca. days still were hard to decide upon.
I really wanted to be apart of another youth trip because they are really unique trips and have taught me so much about leadership. And, there are no other leaders who have been down there, who would be going this summer, since Paul left. Steve only went last year because Paul couldn't leave his twins, etc. and because the original thought was for him(steve) to lead the trip to Haiti.
(I hope this is all making sense)
Assuming that the usual youth trips will stay consist as far as timing, it totally clashes with the timing of my current lease being up the end of June and needing to move in to the new place by July 1st.

I came to my conclusion because of that last reason, and that I NEED to go to Haiti! Okay, maybe not need, but it's definitely a place I'm really passionate about. I've learned so much from them about love, that I want to do all I can do to show it back in as many ways possible. The chances to go I fear, will be fewer and farther between, so I better just GO now...

in the words of Matt Patrick...
Well I just can't wait
Why would I stall?
I couldn't possibly avoid this call
If I were to fail
I know that I'd grow
So I just have to go, go, go.

Welcome to my Belize Blog

Well, I'm hoping that the Thank-You letters you people got, did direct you correctly to my site. Depending on the time you want to spend reading I'll give you some direction on where to start.

If you want to just hear some stories about while I was in Belize, you can click on the "June 2005" over on the right hand column and it will bring you to my writings in June. Mid way through is where the posts from Belize start, but if you read all of June you can hear the transition of how it was to change from Haiti to Belize.

The July 2005 will show all of the "post-Belize entries" - writings of how adjusting went and other thoughts and processing.

I officially started the blog back in April, in preperation for Haiti, so that just expresses prayers and thoughts and excitement. It was a long and great process, so read whatever you like.

You can also post comments if you'd like, wether you have a blogger account or not. Just choose "Annonymous" and you will be able to post, just remember to leave your name in the comment box... or don't, if you truly want to be annoymous. :)

But, I do encourage you to start your own blog if you are a writer... or even if you're not... it's addicting... a good kind. Have fun!

Routine

I was just telling a friend of mine yesturday that I feel like I'm already back into my routine.

But, it's still a hard place to be in... it's good because I've adjusted to work, but bad because I think about Belize less and less. If I stop to think, it was ONLY 2 weeks ago(and a couple days)... but it seems as if sooo much time has passed since then. I wrote breifly about that in my last blog, it's a strange phenomenon because I feel like I could totally put myself back there as if it was yesturday, although it seems like a really long time since I was there.

A thought... What would it be like to have 15 or so faces coming in and out of your home for 10days, blowing bubbles in your face, coloring, painting, reading stories, all this for two to three hours a day, and then they leave. You go back to staring up at the ceiling fan or ocassionally having the chance to watch cartoons, mom playing with you off and on, but with five kids the attention is fewer and far between.

i know there is a lot more to their lives that i don't see, and I know their lives are rich with the love and peace of God.

Just a thought though

Time Flies

I'm taking Matt Patrick's song title for this blog because boy is it ever true!
I can't believe it has been almost 2weeks since I got home, but time is wierd like that for me because in the same instance it seems as if it was so long ago since I was there. Do you ever get that way??
I guess I don't have a lot else to say about time, but I do wish I could "save it and keep it in my hand" but I guess instead this what I'll try to remember:

I want to know with each day's setting sun
that i gave all my time to those whom I loved
then i'd really live life
like i've never lived it before

So, yes, almost two weeks since I've been back. I still don't have my journal, I've pretty much given up hope. I called both Mpls and Miami airports, both never had a small red journal turn up. :( My goal at the end of this trip was to write some good journal entries on the blog. I feel like I don't have a whole lot else to write about the trip because it is hard without having your memory jolted by little moments or things that I stopped to write down.

Work is still hard sometimes, but is definitely getting to be more routine. I got a bunch of little annoying things done, so that helps. I can focus on some hard-core focusing design... of course there will always be the little things that come up, but yaddah yaddah... that's how it is.

My prayer now is this,
Lord,
You know how easy it is to being praying for my new friends right off the bat, but I really want this to be a continuing thing. Something I don't let just slip through the cracks of my hurried and overwhelmed head. Burn these people into me as you have my Haitian friends... May Vicky always know how much she is loved and cared for by you and others. Give Raheem Cindy and Destiny light in the darkness, and to their brother Josiah and sister Sara the same amounts of love and attention that their diseased siblings have.

amen

Not Ready for this

(SIGH)

Today was hard. First day back to work.
I didn't really prepare myself very well, but how can you really? I was ready to be home... sweat free and bug free... but not ready to be free from the stress-free way of life. I kept saying that I wanted to take today off... that i didn't want to go back. I wasn't necessarily dreading it, I was trying to keep positive about things that had been done while gone.
When I parked in the parking lot, I nearly lost it, but pulled it together and took a deep breath and said a prayer. Guy was sitting in his office with a new hands-free headset phone and greeted me saying he liked my hair :), we then proceeded to chat about Belize. There's obviously only so much you can say in a five minute time frame, so I asked him about how things had gone here and what not. He told me of several projects that were put on hold until my return and then of up and coming jobs that were pretty hot. Of course he said he didn't want to overwhelm me, but it's just in my nature to start feeling the stress come on.

Before processing more here, I just have to say that the hard things about work have nothing to do with my boss or my co-workers. It's just about the nature of what I do, the fact is... there will always be deadlines and always jobs that need to be done yesturday. Just want to make that clear... (I'm planning to send Thank you cards with the link to this site to my co-workers)... So please, don't take this the wrong way, it would be the same no matter where I worked. It just takes time to adjust to the hustle and bustle of the American Way.

So, I went to my office and started sifting through emails and just get myself accumulated to all that had been going on. That too was a little overwhelming, but I just had to keep it in perspective that I wasn't expected to get everything done in one day. After that, I started on some changes for a project that I had almost completed before leaving. They were pretty simple, but a good thing to start out with. My next task was trying to manipulate and change a logo for a band that I had also started previous to my travels. That one was hard because what they were asking for was really vague. I got frustrated and stopped.
During all that time I intermitently would tell Georgia of the different things we did in Belize, about the Ariola family and the paintings. It was good to share them with her, but once I started talking about how much they appreciated my talents, it brought me to that place of longing. A place of somewhat confusion, knowing that I love my graphic design job, but having a hard time doing things for musicians who are self righteous and who care less about what you put into the work you're doing. That's really not a lot of our clients, and we do have a good handful that do really appreciate the work. But, when the complainers complain... they're so much louder and it's what you remember, more than the ones who compliment.

I was able to catch a bite to eat with my dad, what a relief. He picked me up and after a few short exchanges he asked how my day was going. --enter= FLOOD OF TEARS... "That good, huh?" he responded, with a sympathetic tone. I love my dad, he doesn't try and have the right words to say, but at the same time helps process through why the feelings are there. All I can manage to explain is that it's hard to have all these deadlines, right away. In that moment it was hard to decide whether I liked my job, but when it comes down to it, I do. It's just plain hard to re-adjust and figure things out and not have it be so stressful.

One thing I need to do is get better sleep, so with that said I should end this blog entry. There is so much more to process, but I need to be sure to keep all aspects of me working well. If I don't have good sleep, that will also add to the stress. So... hopefully more to come soon...
pray that American Airlines has my journal somewhere safe!!!!! :(