always changing

If there is one thing i've learned lately, it's that Haiti is ever changing in its safety... i mean, how would i ever know how safe it really is there, but it's easy to assume we'll be fine because the last 3 times I've been there nothing has happened. I bring this up because steve mentioned again that we're again, skipping Port-Au-Prince all-together. I told myself in the beginning that who knows what will happen, but when steve mentioned that we'll probably stay a stint there, it made me really happy. I took that too seriously and forgot that things change so quickly. I was looking forward to the possibility of staying up in Diogeone's house in Port. and watching the stars and city in the dark and seeing all the street lights from on high.
I have to remember that it still could inevitably change completely and be a trip to Belize, and that would be a hard switch for me to up and do. Obviously, it would be in God's plan, so things will be great either way, but to be preparing for Haiti for so long... wow, it would just be hard. But, I put my trust in my Jesus and know He knows my heart and can ready it for whatever he's got planned.
I lift up the team to you now Lord Jesus,
Break any walls that may be built up... may that be in our own hearts around certain issues or people or places. Bring us together in love and care... and bind us in your Holy Spirit so we may walk with you and serve with you and through you to those around us.
Show us your ways, so we may walk with you
show us your ways, our only hope is you
the cry of our hearts is to know you more
(i forget the rest of the words to this song... just popped into my head)
i love you lord, bring us there safely no matter what happens!
amen

Ready to just "be"

Okay, so now that wedding maddness is over, I'm ready to really focus on Haiti. It took me a few days to recoup and get over the wedding let-down phase, but I am deciding right here and now to turn my attention to my haiti trip. It's hard to believe that we've got just 33 days until go time! I totally lost track of this the last couple weeks. So here I am again...

Having just finished with the weddings, I've thought a lot about how you prepare for so long, and then it's over in just one day. (or two days(w/7 days in between), in my case) I can't imagine what it would be like to be the bride and groom... this got me thinking about Haiti and how the same thing inevitably happens upon returning. I am hoping that it isn't such the same though, especially since it will last almost two weeks.
My prayer for now until I leave is that I take each day at a time and not rush and think of the next or days ahead while I'm in it.
I want to...
revel in the beauty of the hills and valleys...
listen to the streets of Port-Au-Prince as dogs bark and roosters crow, vendors yelling at me to buy their beautiful carvings and paintings...
embrace the boredom of a lazy day in Tricotte, just watching the men on the hills plowing the field or sitting by one of the haitian ladies and helping de-pea the pea pods...
play with the children and smile, even when they may be pointing and laughing at what a silly american i am(of course i would always have to agree)...
notice the members on my team and be present for them and make lasting connections...
to just sit and "be"... be loved, embraced, and accepted in the place I call my home away from home...

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to be continued...

My Desire

If you've heard of Jeremy Camp, you should listen to the song "My Desire"... I was just listening to it today and it really speaks of where my heart is right now.

my desire
you want to be real
you want to be empty inside
you want to be someone
laying down yuor pride
you want to be someone someday
then lay it all down before the king

you want to be whole
you want to have purpose inside
you want to have virtue
and purify your mind

you want to be set free today
then lay it all down before the king

THIS IS MY DESIRE
THIS IS MY RETURN
THIS IS MY DESIRE TO BE USED BY YOU

you want to be real
you want to be emptied inside
and i know my heart is to feel you near
and i know my life
it's to do your will
it's to do your will

(chorus)

all my life i have seen
where you've taken me
beyond all i have hoped
and there's more left unseen
there's not much i can do
to repay all you've done
so i give my hands to use

(chorus some more times :)

So Lord, this is my desire... to be used as You would have me... in the students lives, in the wonderful Haitians lives and anyone else I may come into contact with. Through this may I also grow in my walk with You, and see the incredible things you've done. When it gets tough, let me wonder why and not avoid or pass by the feelings of why it's tough. Let me/us bore through it and learn from it.
I am yours and you are mine....
Amen!